We’ve all been there before… We’ve been dumped by who we thought was the love our life and we just cannot let go. In your grief, you’ll nitpick every moment of your relationship to see what went wrong. Maybe you’re the type that stares longingly at your phone, hoping they’ll call or text. You stalk their Facebook like none other. It’s obvious that you aren’t over your ex, even though you really want to be.
Your friends may tell you that it’s time to move on and meet new people and maybe they are right. The problem you face is just how do you move on? Everything seems to remind you of them — be it a song on the radio, a particular commercial on the television, even something as mundane as the type of cereal you pick up at the grocery store. How can you effectively move on if you are constantly reminded of them?
1. Allow Yourself to Grieve
No one said that moving on from a failed relationship would be an easy process. Give yourself ample of time to grieve. You are allowed to be upset and mourn a relationship that didn’t work out. You can turn off your phone, take a few days off of work, and hole up under the covers — just don’t make it a long term thing. Depression is an ugly beast that is harder to get rid of then getting over an ex.
2. Remember EVERYTHING
When we are missing our exes, we tend to only focus on the good memories we had. Like the romantic getaway one weekend or when they called you out of the blue just to say they were thinking about you. What we fail to do is remember everything else. We gloss over their annoying habits that would get under our skin. We would block out the constant fighting over money. In order to move on, you can’t focus on just the good times. To effectively move on, you have to remember that not every moment of the relationship was all peaches and cream.
3. Go Back to Old Hobbies
Before you started dating someone, you may have had a passion for remote controlled planes, but when you started dating your ex, you abandoned that hobby so that you could spend more time with them. Now that you are trying to get over your ex, you can immerse yourself in your old hobbies. Pick up that remote control and fly your plane in the park. Pick up tickets to the ballet. Spend hours in the library reading the classics. Whatever it is that you felt like you gave up to be with your ex, go back to it. You’ll find that by doing the things you used to enjoy, it will be easier to get back to the you from before the relationship, which will help you to move on.
4. Do Some Soul Searching
When we are dating someone, we tend to lose some of who we are. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it does take some time to rediscover the single you. Take some time to yourself and reflect on how you have changed. Take a look at yourself and try to figure out if the person you are now is the person you like to be, or if you want to go back to how you were prior to the relationship.
5. Meet New People
Now, this doesn’t mean you have to jump into a relationship right away. What this means is get out of your house and socialize with people outside of your circle of friends — especially if you and your ex share the same group of friends. If you don’t feel comfortable right away to mingle with new people, you can join an online community to meet others. Then when you are ready, you can pursue a relationship; whether you met someone in person, met them on a dating site, or had a mutual friend introduce you. You’ll find that when you start having fun with someone else you have a connection with, you will no longer think about your ex so much.