Love me, love me not… that is the question

What happens when you date someone new and they don’t seem to send you the right signals? Read why Lucy Cavendish thinks we should start focusing on our own feelings first.


“Dear Lucy,

I have met a new man and I really like him but I feel nervous about how he feels about me. Sometimes he is in contact a lot, other times I don’t hear from him for a few days. I don’t know if he is seeing other women or whether we are seeing each other on an exclusive basis. What should I do?

What Lucy says…

Dear Leanne,

Oh how I feel for you! This dating game is just so difficult isn’t it? A year or so ago I met a man on a date and I thought he really liked me. We saw each other a few times and it was all going well then, suddenly, he disappeared on me – no call, no text, no nothing. I was really upset and didn’t understand what had happened.

I talked to a friend of mine (she met her husband online) and she told me that I really needed to become a bit more thick-skinned. We never know what is going on in someone else’s mind or their lives. We assume they feel the same way we do but are often not sure what the boundaries are.

“Don’t expect men to act the way a woman does”

Do we ask them how they feel about us or not? This is both the daunting and yet the exciting thing about dating. It’s like taking a step in to a new world that maybe we left a long time ago. My main advice is not to expect men to act in the way a woman does. When we like someone, we make sure they know it. We call them and text them and think of the things they like and we arrange dinners and so all these things. Men just seem to concentrate on one thing at a time. If they are busy, they are busy!

But I also think it’s best for you to see other men, keep your fun life going, do lots of things with other people. If he is not giving you quite the right messages then just invest a little bit of yourself and no more. Or risk it and ask him if you are exclusive or not. Whatever the answer is, at least you will know.


1) Decide what you want from your dating life – exclusivity or not

2) Be honest but don’t hang around waiting for someone

3) Keep busy and active and online and make new friends and meet people

4) Don’t take things too personally – sometimes it’s not about you!

5) Keep on going – a happy person is an attractive person

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About Lucy Cavendish

Lucy Cavendish is a successful journalist and mother of four living in Oxfordshire. She writes for the Times, the Guardian, and the Daily Mail.