Lucy Cavendish: From playing solo back into the dating game


I have been single for three years now and have been very happy by myself. However, a couple of months ago I joined LBA and now I have met so many interesting men I don’t know what to do with them! What are the current rules on dating etiquette? I feel somewhat out of the loop?’

Enjoy the chance to meet up with lots of different people

Dear Joanna,

The world of dating has certainly changed since I was ‘out there’ over 14 years ago. Back then, you met people either through work, friends or going out to the pub. It was almost impossible to meet anyone any other way and I remember gazing at all the boys in the office wondering which one I could possibly go out with. But now life is completely different. Dating is like picking sweets from a sweetie shop as there is so much choice now. It is utterly normal and acceptable to be ‘dating’ more than one person at the same times. So this is how it works; you go in to the shop, have a look at the sweets and decide to try a few. It’s the same with dating. In the States they call it ‘multi-dating’ and it’s about seeing a few people and finding out how you feel about them. Do they fit or don’t they? Do they want the same things you want? Are they a friend or a fling or something that might last some time? As long as you are honest about it, no one gets hurt or upset because everyone’s at it. The idea of ‘exclusivity’ is something that comes along a lot later…up until you feel strongly about someone, it is absolutely fine to see as many men as you want.


Five top tips for multi-dating

1) Make sure you are clear about what you are expecting from your dating life.

2) Enjoy the chance to meet up with lots of different people.

3) Don’t fret about the fact that you are seeing more than one person, no one expects anyone to date only one person especially at the beginning.

4) Be honest about what you are doing. Explain you are intending not to date exclusively for a bit and you are fine with them seeing other people as well.

5) Don’t get their names muddled up – ever. This is very important!

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